Last night, my boyfriend and I went to a public lecture on current political affairs. Although it was really crowded (and the air inside the room was really REALLY bad – yuck) I actually enjoyed it a lot. Mostly because I managed to talk to a couple of people I didn’t know. I managed the art of Small Talk. Oh yeah. At least, I thought I did.
Today, I had to learn that apparently people thought I was rude. To be honest, I had no clue I came across as being rude. Not at all. I was so freaking proud of myself. In my imagination I was wearing a shirt with “Master of Arts in Small Talk” on it. Continue reading “Different views on being nice”
Hey people of the internet,
I am sorry, I haven’t posted in ages. (Not that I think anyone would miss me on here…but..whatever) The reason why I wasn’t online as much is that I had to deal with a load of changes. It all started when we moved houses. I had a really hard time adjusting to that. Don’t get me wrong, I love the new place. The only thing that is wrong about it is that it isn’t the old place. So now I have to go to a different bus station, the furniture is in different places… it’s just a lot to deal with. Continue reading “Dealing with Change”
Hey people of the internet,
I haven’t written here in a while. I don’t even have an excuse. I am on holidays, uni won’t start until October – and that’s the problem. My days are so unstructured. I hate it. During semester I get up at 7, take a shower, have breakfast (two pieces of toast with cheese), either try to take the bus and then walk because it’s too crowded OR drive my bike to uni, go to classes, meet by boyfriend for lunch, go to classes, go to the gym or for a run (schedule is written down in my agenda), go home, have dinner, spend some time with special interest stuff, go to bed. That’s my day. Pretty much every day. Except for days when my boyfriend decides that I need to be more “social” and we need to see friends. Which is fine. I can do that. Just not that often.
But at the moment, there’s no schedule. Every day is different. And it sucks so bad. During school week I only have to deal with two bad days – the weekend. Isn’t it strange that while most students long for the holidays I just can’t wait to go back to school? My boyfriend tells me that a day without a schedule is full of possibilities. Well, it’s not. Or technically it is. But it is so many possibilities that I just can’t decide what to do. The sheer number of possibilities to spend my unscheduled days is so totally overwhelming that I can’t handle it very well. That much spare time totally freaks me out.
Is that weird? I guess it is.
I am not a jerk. Honestly. And yet, a lot of people probably think I am a jerk. Because sometimes I just don’t know what is appropriate to say in a certain situation. I am very honest, but honesty is not always polite. That’s a problem. I will tell you if your new haircut doesn’t suit you. I will tell you if you disturb me. But I don’t mean to be rude or hurtful. I am just honest. And that’s because I don’t understand lies.
On the other hand, there are times when I don’t speak at all when people expect me to speak. This often happens in very emotional situations. For example when someone cries. I can’t deal with tears. Tears paralyze me. Continue reading “I am not a jerk (most of the time)”
The other day when I was buying groceries, I was called a “nutcase”. Not because I spent 4 euros on hummus which can easily be made for less than 50 cent (that’s what I call nuts!) but because of my “cart dilemma”. I can’t use shopping carts that people left coupons or candy wrappers in. I just can’t. It’s not okay to leave garbage behind, it’s not sanitary, and it violates my rules, so I just cannot use carts with garbage inside. It makes me mad, and sad, and confused. How can people leave shared things like this? Continue reading “The Nutcase”
Being an Aspie, conversations sometimes can be pretty tough. Especially while being in a public area. I will try to illustrate what it feels like for me:
Let’s imagine the following situation. I just left the campus and I am on my way home. For whatever reason I decided to take the bus and I am currently waiting for it at the bus stop. I try to concentrate on myself as it is very noisy. A lot of other students decided to take the bus. The bus stop is very crowded. A fellow student sees me, comes up to me and starts a conversation:
Fellow student: “Bllblblbllblblll klklklkl aiaiai ememem.”
Me: “Excuse me?” Continue reading “Asperger’s & Conversations”
During the semester life can get pretty busy and stressful. A lot of lectures with different audiences, a lot of student meetings for presentations, meetings with profs, campus sports, and of course crowded public transportation. And then there are friends and family who also want to talk to me and spend time with me. In the evenings I often feel exhausted, and more than often I really feel close to OVERLOAD. When I was younger, I wasn’t able to feel overloads coming beforehand. I couldn’t protect myself from the outside world as well as today. What really helped me was keeping track of my days: What stressed me today? What went wrong day? What should I have avoided? What helped me dealing with stress? Continue reading “My autism journal”