Posted in Aspie Stuff

I am worried.

I am worried. Constantly. Mostly about my parents and my sister. I have always been worried about them. When I was little, I was afraid of getting separated from them, I screamed bloody murder when for example the elevator door was slowly closing and my  mom or dad was still in the hallway. I was scared to lose them and never see them again. When I grew older, the worrying never stopped. Until today, I worry that my mom and dad might die, that my sister might have an accident. If they drive to work, I worry about them being involved in a car crash. When my dad works in the garden, let’s say with a chainsaw, I worry about him getting hurt or killed. It’s insanely exhausting. 

The worrying just never ends. Even when I sleep, I worry. In my dreams my parents or my sister have accidents, get killed, and I can’t do anything about it. Day and night I have these horrible thoughts in my head, pictures of what MIGHT happen. I get stomach cramps thinking about it right now.

I am also worried about my own death. I am so afraid of death, you can’t even imagine. But losing my parents or my sister? Don’t get me started, it totally freaks me out. I get panic attacks from worrying.

A few months ago, I met my boyfriend. And now, I have another person to worry about. Don’t get me wrong, I am totally in love with him. (Not sure I can properly show it, but believe me I AM!) But I am also so so worried about something happening to him.

How much worry can one guy handle?



24yo autistic university student.

3 thoughts on “I am worried.

  1. Oh wow! This post really hit home because you could have been describing my son (with the worrying) … and me! It’s not high level, hand wringing worry – but the in-my-head-try-to-look-calm-on-the-outside-because-nobody-else-seems-concerned worry. It stops me from whatever I’m doing until said object of my worry gets home.

    Liked by 1 person

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