Posted in Aspie Stuff

Am I selfish?

The word “autism” comes from the Greek word “autos” which means “self”. People who are on the autism spectrum are somewhat self-centered, and most of them prefer to spend their time alone. I certainly do. Does that make me selfish?

Being autistic, I find it very hard to imagine what other people might think, what standards and morals they follow and why they behave like they do in certain situations. Most of the time, other people’s motives are totally unclear to me. Thus, one could say humans are absolutely unpredictable to me. I often feel like I was put on a giant board game with a lot of other meeple who all know the rules of the game we are playing. While I don’t. They know how to achieve what they need to achieve, and they know the rules the other players live by. I don’t. I have absolutely no clue what they are doing, why they are doing it and if they will keep doing what they’re doing. So I rather spend my days alone. Living by my standards, spending time on my favorite subjects, eating the food I like. It’s less stressful.

Does that make me selfish? I don’t think so. I would love to play with the others, but it’s hard to fit in if you don’t get the rules and are afraid to embarrass yourself. You might ask why I don’t ask someone to explain the rules to me. Good point. The truth is: Most of your rules don’t make sense to me. And here we go again. I don’t get why there are other people who have totally different standards than mine. I just don’t get it. I am trying, believe me. But… You neurotypicals often just don’t make any sense. Greed, envy, lies – I don’t get it. It makes no sense to me.

–> to be continued

Author:

23yo autistic law student.

11 thoughts on “Am I selfish?

  1. Your blog will soon be added to our Actually Autistic Blogs List (anautismobserver.wordpress.com). Please personalize your blog’s description by selecting “About the list/How do you want your blog listed?” from the top menu on that site.
    Thank you.
    Judy (An Autism Observer)

    Liked by 1 person

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